Chapter 1: The Challenge of Self-Control

The recent tragic assassination of former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe was an act of cowardice and brutality. It epitomized a severe lack of self-discipline, as the perpetrator was unable to manage his impulses. This incident starkly illustrates a failure to engage in civilized discourse, opting instead for violence.

While most individuals are not prone to such extreme behaviors, our minds, increasingly influenced by algorithms, have diminished in their capacity for logical and profound thought. The isolation brought on by pandemic lockdowns further exacerbated this decline. News reports frequently highlight the mistreatment of service industry workers and flight attendants by customers, suggesting that rudeness is not only tolerated but has become commonplace. It’s time to rethink this trend through proactive measures.

Self-control is a formidable skill that many children and adults struggle to develop. In challenging situations, reacting impulsively is often easier than seeking understanding. However, achieving the mental clarity needed for comprehension requires regulating immediate emotions and impulses. This can be facilitated through prior preparation and self-imposed guidelines.

Behavioral economists have introduced the concept of the “hot-cold empathy gap,” which describes our tendency to believe that our current feelings will persist indefinitely, particularly in emotionally charged situations.

To illustrate, consider the issue of road rage—a prevalent behavior that often seems justified in the moment but is regrettable upon reflection. Most reasonable individuals would agree that road rage is, at best, irresponsible and, at worst, potentially lethal. Interestingly, these same individuals often perceive their own likelihood of experiencing road rage as below average. Who would willingly acknowledge their lack of self-control? It’s easy to point fingers at other drivers who appear disorganized, late, or irritable. However, the truth is more complex.

First, let's examine the concept of average probabilities. In normally distributed populations, averages imply that about half of the observations fall below and half above them. If road rage were uncommon, it wouldn't exist. In reality, significant portions of drivers admit to aggressive driving behaviors. While only a small fraction result in violence or fatalities, it highlights that most drivers are not consciously angry.

Next, we must underscore the necessity of planning and self-awareness as foundational elements of self-control. The moments when we are “cold” (not experiencing the “hot” emotions of road rage or similar impulses) are crucial for proactive planning and self-reflection—especially for those with a history of poor responses to stress.

This principle extends beyond driving. Our interactions with family, friends, and colleagues can all be enhanced by recognizing our tendency to “lose it.” Impulsiveness and outbursts often stem from anger, which distorts our thought processes. In the bestselling book Feeling Good by David Burns, there's an entire chapter on this topic, complete with a quiz to assess your irritability quotient.

The significance of self-control has been acknowledged since ancient times. For instance, Marcus Aurelius articulated that “the consequences of anger are far more damaging than the events that trigger them.” If you struggle to manage your reactions to being cut off in traffic or facing rudeness at work, it’s your responsibility to govern the one thing you can control—yourself.

Personal responsibility does not mean taking on the burden of others' actions. Instead, it emphasizes accountability for your reactions and the interpretations you assign to daily situations. It’s far too easy to lash out than to practice self-control.

As the hymn “America the Beautiful” proclaims, “Confirm thy soul in self-control / Thy liberty in law!” The world would undoubtedly be safer and more pleasant if individuals established personal guidelines and refrained from overstepping boundaries with others.

This video, "Is Self-Control a Virtue?" delves into the significance of self-control as a fundamental human quality, examining its role in our lives and society.

In "Educating for Self-control, Part 1: A Lost Christian Virtue," this presentation explores the educational approaches necessary for cultivating self-control as an essential virtue in modern life.