Understanding the True Desires of Incels
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Chapter 1: Defining Incels
Incels, or "involuntary celibates," represent a complex online subculture primarily composed of white, male, and heterosexual individuals who perceive themselves as unable to secure romantic or sexual partners despite their desires. However, the traditional definition misses a critical point: the notion that Incels are primarily motivated by a lack of sexual encounters is misleading.
Consider the justifications Incels provide for their beliefs. They often adhere to the sexual hierarchy known as the 80–20 rule, which suggests that a mere 20 percent of men attract 80 percent of women. For many Incels, the sexual liberation and the rise of liberal feminism have created a landscape where they feel sidelined, watching as women gravitate toward this top tier of men while they remain overlooked. They frequently cite concepts from evolutionary psychology and biological determinism, attributing their perceived lack of desirability to factors like height, facial structure, or ethnicity. Others point fingers at dating applications and social media as culprits.
Even if these claims hold some truth, it's essential to explore the underlying motivations behind such arguments. While self-justification for their biases is indeed a factor, there's a deeper pursuit at play that often goes unnoticed.
Section 1.1: The Case of Elliot Rodger
The infamous Incel Elliot Rodger produced a 149-page manifesto chronicling his experiences with women. His writing, though chaotic, reveals a deeply sensitive and neurotic individual. He didn't just seek to articulate his identity; he resorted to violence against innocents to solidify it. His demise paradoxically immortalized his identity, making it unchangeable. However, countless Incels, far less extreme than Rodger, share a significant trait: their identities hinge on their inability to engage sexually with women, a status they strive to preserve at all costs.
As they revel in their perceived inferiority, the media and public perception only reinforce their identity creation efforts, yielding a sense of satisfaction that can eclipse any physical intimacy.
Section 1.2: The Identity Maintenance Dilemma
In a notable instance, Jack Peterson, a 19-year-old Incel, found himself expelled from the forum incel.me after being accused of boasting about a past abusive relationship. To defend his status, he spent three days creating a detailed video and PowerPoint presentation asserting his qualifications as an Incel based on his looks and mental health.
Incels channel their energy not into pursuing sexual encounters, but rather into upholding the identity of being unable to secure them, complicating their chances further. This avoidance stems from a daunting self-inquiry: "If I’m not an Incel, then who am I?"
Chapter 2: Misguided Solutions
In 2018, a New York Times opinion piece suggested offering Incels access to sex workers and robots as a remedy for their frustrations. This proposal faced criticism, but the opposition missed a key point. Incels' dissatisfaction isn't solely rooted in their romantic failures; it's a symptom of deeper issues.
The core of their unhappiness could stem from various factors—addictions, bleak economic prospects, neurotic tendencies, or profound loneliness. Each Incel's malaise is unique, yet they collectively fashion their anger and frustration to shield their fragile identities from the threat of success in romantic pursuits.
True healing for Incels would come from genuine connections and love, transforming their identities from frustration to devotion. However, love requires one to be worthy of it, and many Incels have cultivated identities that scream, "I dare you to love me!" They accurately observe that women are drawn to traits like kindness and humor, yet they neglect these qualities in their self-portrayal.
The relentless pursuit of maintaining their identity serves as a shield against the chaos of change. As long as they cling to this identity, the potential for self-love and genuine relationships eludes them. For Incels, the defense against the vulnerability of seeking love is tied to the fear of shame and rejection.
More on incels:
An Obvious Fact Many Ignore about Incels | by Ed Smith | The Technotopia | Medium