Understanding ADHD in Adults: Emotional Turmoil and Overthinking
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Chapter 1: The Emotional Experience of ADHD
Let's be honest—there have been moments when it felt as if my ADHD brain was conspiring against me. Imagine this scenario: it’s 2 AM, I’m pacing back and forth, glued to my phone, my thumb poised over the send button for a text that could potentially ruin my relationship. All because my boyfriend hadn’t replied to my “How was your day?” message from… can it be? Ten hours ago?
This is classic me—an emotional avalanche colliding with overthinking, and the chaos ensues. For those of us living with ADHD, emotions aren’t just fleeting feelings; they’re all-consuming experiences that linger. Our thoughts? They multiply like browser tabs left open. It's intense, overwhelming, and often feels unmanageable.
One aspect of ADHD that isn’t often highlighted is the extreme emotional responses and racing thoughts we experience. A significant number of adults with ADHD, between 30% to 70%, struggle with regulating their emotions. This underscores the necessity of finding effective methods to manage our feelings.
The Positive Side
After years of attempting to quiet my mind, I finally discovered a method that works. This approach could transform how you navigate your emotions as well. Supported by scientific research, it helps mitigate emotional reactivity, overthinking, and negative self-talk, allowing us to process and move past our negative feelings.
Before we delve into that, let’s examine some ineffective strategies.
Section 1.1: Misguided Advice
“Don’t let it get to you.” Have you ever heard this cliché? I was once skilled at brushing off my emotions, only to realize they inevitably returned, often magnified.
Ignoring and suppressing our feelings can lead to unresolved emotions accumulating over time. Research indicates that suppression can result in depressive symptoms, diminished relationship satisfaction, and even physical issues like elevated blood pressure. It’s akin to trying to keep a beach ball submerged underwater—it may work temporarily, but eventually, the pressure causes it to burst back up.
Venting: The Myth
“Just let it out! Scream into a pillow, hit something, take a boxing class, or vent to a friend. You’ll feel so much lighter afterward!”
While this advice suggests that expressing anger through physical or verbal outbursts will help release those feelings, studies reveal that this can actually amplify emotions rather than alleviate them. A few years ago, after a particularly tough day filled with disappointments and frustrations, I decided to take this advice to heart. The result? Instead of feeling liberated, I felt worse. My anger had intensified, and I ended up tossing and turning all night.
In a memorable scene from the film Analyze This (1999), a psychiatrist advises mob boss Paul Vitti to relieve his anger by punching a pillow, which only escalates Vitti’s aggression, culminating in him tearing the pillow apart. This illustrates how venting can sometimes heighten rather than soothe our emotions.
Section 1.2: Gaining Perspective
The key isn’t to ignore, release, or ruminate over negative feelings; it’s about changing our perspective. That night, something clicked for me. I thought, “If I could view myself from a distance, I would see how ridiculous this is.”
So, I tried it. Imagining myself as a fly on the wall, observing my own actions provided a fresh perspective. There I was, on the verge of jeopardizing a perfectly good relationship over a text message! From that vantage point, the urge to send a destructive text faded. I realized I could move past it without causing a scene.
The fly-on-the-wall method, also referred to as self-distancing or decentering, has proven to be a valuable tool for processing negative emotions. This technique not only offers insights into our feelings but also aids in finding closure.
Chapter 2: The Science Behind Self-Distancing
Numerous studies have indicated that individuals who reflect on their experiences from a third-person viewpoint—like a fly on the wall—report less distress and emotional turmoil compared to those who immerse themselves in their feelings. In relationships, self-distancing can even reduce conflict. One study found that partners who reflected on relationship disputes from a self-distanced perspective were less likely to escalate hostility.
Additionally, participants who viewed their experiences from a distance spent less time ruminating and more time processing, leading to lower feelings of depression.
To Conclude
Next time you feel tempted to “not let things bother you” or “let it all out,” take a moment to reflect. Are you genuinely releasing your anger, or are you amplifying it? Instead, envision yourself as that fly, observing your thoughts from a distance. This seemingly simple shift can be remarkably effective in breaking free from the cycle of overthinking and negative emotions.
When your thoughts begin to spiral, remember: you don’t have to be engulfed in them. Sometimes, stepping back is the secret to finding tranquility. If you’re ever uncertain, just zoom out! You may find surprising clarity and peace in this adjustment.
In a world where it often seems everyone else has it all together, we feel everything—instantly, genuinely, and profoundly. Yes, it can be overwhelming at times, but it’s also what makes us empathetic friends, passionate advocates, and creative forces.
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