Chapter 1: The Onset of Psychosis

Four months prior, a significant quantity of gummies led me to the emergency department. Just a day earlier, I had ingested these gummies while performing a ritual in the woods—an experience I now find embarrassing. What began as a four-day binge resulted in a prolonged five-month period of psychosis.

After six hours in the emergency room, I emerged feeling empty and exhausted. I vividly remember a distressed woman nearby, lamenting her perceived failures compared to her sister. I thought to myself, "At least I'm not in her position." However, I was unaware of the challenges ahead in my own journey.

The following month was particularly challenging. Daily, I ordered calorie-dense meals through Grubhub, attempting to fill my sensory void while diminishing my dopamine levels. This marked the start of a binge phase within a broader period of neurological instability. I faced severe acid reflux and often vomited after meals. During particularly low moments, I experienced auditory hallucinations—voices that felt all too real, creeping into my consciousness and giving me a pervasive sense of being watched.

I was then admitted to an inpatient treatment facility, where I was prescribed a combination of antipsychotics and antidepressants. Although the voices persisted, I found solace in the supportive environment and the care from staff and fellow patients. I remain profoundly grateful for the unwavering support from my family, which has been a crucial pillar during this tumultuous time. Cooking with my dad in Virginia before returning to Southern California brought me joy, and simple pleasures like warm showers and nourishing meals became essential coping strategies.

As I navigated the chaotic shifts between inpatient care and familial support, I learned several key principles that I intend to carry with me as I continue my recovery journey. My hope is that those who read my story will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone and that improvement is possible. I also wish to share the coping strategies I’ve acquired through trial and error. My mother often reminds me that the journey is what truly matters, not just the destination. Everything is transient, and strength can be cultivated through adversity. The cornerstones of my recovery have been discipline, nurturing relationships, and ensuring adequate rest.

Chapter 2: The Importance of Routine

Establishing a routine has been vital for achieving balance in my life. This structure is beneficial not only for those without psychosis but especially for those grappling with it. When faced with distressing thoughts, having a set routine helps me accomplish tasks based on my identity rather than being swayed by fleeting fears. Remember, your identity is shaped by your actions, not your thoughts.

During dark periods, it's easy to succumb to suicidal ideations. Staying present is crucial. For me, meditation often exacerbates anxiety, so I have found that engaging in mindful activities—like yoga or taking walks—provides better relief. This experience has underscored the fact that everyone is unique, and through experimentation, I discovered what works for me.

A typical day in my life looks something like this:

• Yoga for 45 minutes at 7:30 AM
• Cold shower at 8:30 AM
• Breakfast (a burrito from Achilles Coffee with my mom) at 8:45 AM
• Group therapy at 10 AM
• Writing for 1-2 hours at noon
• Lunch at 1:30 PM
• Reading for 30 minutes to 1 hour at 2 PM
• Rest at 3 PM
• Swimming for 30 minutes to 1 hour at 3:30 PM
• Family dinner at 5 PM

When the sun shines, I bask in its warmth, as sunlight can help regulate sleep by resetting our internal clocks. Quality sleep is essential for recovery, as poor sleep may trigger and exacerbate psychotic symptoms.

I want to stress the importance of stepping outside your comfort zone. Embracing discomfort can expand the anterior midcingulate cortex, which is associated with the will to live. Incorporating slight discomfort into my routine, such as cold showers, has positively influenced my mood and sleep quality. I learned that when I restricted my eating as a coping mechanism, I actually started sleeping better. This discipline has been fundamental in maintaining structure during my psychotic episodes.

One critical insight I've gained during this journey is that daily behaviors are more impactful than obsessing over the science behind psychosis. Initially, I was fixated on understanding why I was hearing voices and what was happening in my brain. This pursuit often felt futile, dragging me further into emptiness and despair.

I eventually discovered that establishing consistent behaviors was more effective in forging robust neural pathways than attempting to shift my thoughts. Now, I prioritize cultivating habits that foster a sense of purpose and motivation to rise each day.

I have committed to attending group therapy every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, which has been immensely beneficial. This leads me to my next point: the importance of supportive relationships during psychosis.

The first video titled "Psychosis and Substance Use: What Clinicians Need To Know" provides crucial insights into the relationship between substance use and psychosis, highlighting the importance of understanding these dynamics for effective treatment.

Chapter 3: Building Supportive Relationships

Therapy can be invaluable. I look forward to my weekly group sessions. Initially, it may feel overwhelming, but you soon realize that everyone has their own struggles. It's essential to challenge your limits. I initially felt paranoid when going outside, believing everyone was judging me. However, group therapy has helped me confront this fear, pushing me to create new connections each time I attended. It acts as a form of exposure therapy for me. The fear that once kept me isolated has been challenged by the realization that it's safe to be around others, allowing me to distance myself from the intrusive voices.

I cherish my group therapy sessions because they offer perspective beyond my own experiences. During psychosis, it often feels as though the world revolves around your thoughts. Engaging with others allows me to connect with their emotions and challenges, reminding me that everyone faces their own battles. Interacting with someone at a coffee shop doesn’t provide the same depth as sharing your struggles with a fellow group member. This perspective has been instrumental in helping me reconnect with the person I was prior to my psychosis.

Feelings of shame are common during psychosis. It’s easy to feel unworthy or different from those around you, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Group therapy has transformed this destructive shame into a more positive form. Through the support of a caring community, I have begun to piece together my fragmented sense of self by sharing my story and receiving empathy from others.

The second video titled "What is Drug Induced Psychosis?" offers a comprehensive overview of drug-induced psychosis, discussing its causes, symptoms, and potential pathways to recovery.

Chapter 4: The Role of Diet and Exercise

I've observed that on days when I overeat, my voices tend to intensify. There is a clear connection between mind and body. Our physical state often reveals disruptions before we consciously recognize them. Conversely, neglecting your body can adversely affect mental health. Traditional practices suggest eating until you’re 70% full, avoiding the discomfort of overeating—especially crucial when dealing with a sensitive stomach, which I began experiencing during my psychosis. Starving oneself is equally detrimental, leading to irritability and fatigue.

Exercise is another vital tool in my recovery toolkit. It not only helps me maintain physical health but also encourages healthier eating habits. Research indicates an inverse relationship between exercise and overeating; more physical activity correlates with less likelihood of engaging in unhealthy eating or addictive behaviors.

Chapter 5: Understanding the Recovery Journey

A common misconception about recovery is that it is linear—that each day will show improvement and clear signs of progress. In reality, there will be days when the voices worsen inexplicably, and you may find yourself slipping into unhealthy habits to escape.

Throughout this narrative, I've highlighted the significance of discipline and the stability it fosters. James Clear, in his book "Atomic Habits," advises that one should never miss twice. If you succumb to a negative habit twice, you risk incorporating it into your identity. This book has been a guiding light during my psychosis, encouraging me to frame my life through the lens of actions rather than thoughts. I am not defined by my thoughts; I am defined by what I do.

Moreover, "Atomic Habits" emphasizes the impact of daily habits on shaping our identities and interactions in the world. By establishing positive routines, I maintain a stable sense of self, which diminishes the overwhelming nature of my illness. It is essential to have a reliable support network to navigate the inevitable moments of despair.

My mother reminds me that my feelings are valid and should be honored, as they reflect the universal human experience of ups and downs. By respecting your body, mind, and self, I firmly believe you can navigate through even the most challenging times.