Chapter 1: The Struggle for Self-Love

In the quest for love, I often find myself grappling with the challenge of loving myself first.

My exhaustion stems from the constant need to validate my worth, often followed by explanations of my feelings that seem to backfire. Frequently, I find solace at the bottom of a liquor bottle, a place where my anxieties fade and emotions pour out. Despite my sometimes clumsy delivery, my intentions are benign—at least that's what I tell myself.

It seems I draw in the most intense personalities, only to end up feeling distant. I excel at making a strong initial impression during the superficial stages, often referred to as the honeymoon phase. However, when genuine feelings emerge, many prefer to retreat rather than confront the complexities of a relationship. Instead, they might choose to keep me around, fearing loneliness, while I find myself chasing after their affection, often falling for the bait.

The slightest hint of resistance prompts me to ready myself for the pursuit. I reminisce about our shared joyful moments and emphasize that relationships require effort. In a rather embarrassing turn, I slip into "simp" mode, only for my words to resonate with indifference. This typically culminates in me waiting anxiously for a text or an email delivering the news that they can no longer continue. The excuses they offer rarely match the affection they professed just days before life intervened.

Social media simplifies the process of finding and losing love.

Any minor flaw in a relationship becomes an opportunity for social media to step in. A single cryptic post can attract a slew of attention, and it doesn't take long for numerous suitors to appear, often drawing attention away from the person I once cherished. It becomes easy to forget the roots of this emotional chaos while chasing new distractions.

Social media primarily showcases curated highlights of people's lives, with only a few brave enough to expose their struggles. Yet, pursuing those who appear to have it all together can lead to disillusionment.

Chapter 2: The Illusion of Knowing

You never truly know someone unless you've been with them for a considerable time. Even then, you might find yourself deceived by your own perceptions until reality finally hits.

In my week, I encounter countless individuals for brief interactions lasting only 8 to 15 minutes. This short timeframe can create quick judgments, as anyone can maintain a facade for a limited time. I often ponder how many people I misjudged simply because they were having a rough day.

First impressions hold significant weight, but they can also lead you to the wrong conclusions about someone's character.

Chapter 3: Realizations About Love

You can't force someone to love you; love emerges organically over time.

As you navigate this journey, you'll encounter the various facets of your partner—both the admirable and the challenging. Genuine love is built on mutual support and understanding, but it comes with boundaries, as abuse should never be tolerated. Many remain in toxic situations, clinging to the hope that change is possible, only to find themselves waiting for something that may never come.

I firmly believe that accountability for one’s actions is essential. Instead of blaming others for your circumstances, reflect on why you allowed certain behaviors. Only then will the right individuals start to enter your life.

A prevalent issue is the multitude of damaged individuals seeking external validation to heal their internal struggles. They're on a quest for a perfect partner who can fulfill their unfulfilled dreams, but they often come up short.

The reality is that this approach leads to exhaustion—both for them and their partners, who are often seeking the same validation in return.