The Need for Control

In our lives, the desire for control is universal; it’s essential for maintaining balance. When anxiety creeps in and I feel overwhelmed, my reliable iPhone is always nearby—whether it's in my pocket, on the table, or next to my bed. It serves as a quick escape, allowing me to regain a sense of control. Through it, I can scroll through Twitter, send a tweet, share a photo, read an e-book, browse articles on Medium, compose my own posts, or even engage in galactic battles in Star Trek Fleet Command.

My iPhone has become my emotional support animal.

I often find myself spending excessive hours on my device, not just during moments of stress but also when everything seems fine. It’s the tool I use for work, reading, and leisure throughout the day, even while juggling tasks on my laptop. Ironically, I remind my seven-year-old son to limit his screen time after just thirty minutes on his iPad, sometimes while I’m still glued to my own phone.

This duality brings feelings of guilt and embarrassment regarding my smartphone usage. I tend to avoid looking at Screen Time Reports and swiftly dismiss those notifications. Recently, I've even caught myself concealing my phone behind my leg or in my pocket to prevent my son from noticing how often I’m on it.

Yet, having this pocket-sized supercomputer allows me to curate whatever distractions I wish during moments when I feel like screaming. For instance, if my son mocks my words, I attempt to respond calmly, only to hear later from his mom about my need for a better reaction. In those moments, I think a witty parenting tweet could help lighten the mood, and if one doesn’t exist, I’d create it myself.

When work becomes unbearable, I can always scroll through Instagram for adorable cat pictures to uplift my spirits or search for self-help articles on Medium. If someone belittles my thoughts, I can turn to my imaginary crew aboard the USS Mayflower, ready to listen to my every word, and subsequently write about my feelings.

By reclaiming control, I find peace and enhance my mental well-being.

A lesson from my former pastor highlighted how he managed to relinquish the urge to control every aspect of his life. Each morning, he would wake at 5:00 a.m., exercise for half an hour, then head to his office, dedicating time to read, pray, and enjoy coffee until 8:00 a.m. During this time, he didn’t take any meetings or engage in work, allowing himself to savor those hours.

This practice illustrated that one can consciously choose to control certain parts of their day, even while releasing the need for control elsewhere. It made me realize that we all crave a sense of control. Even if it appears as if we are surrendering control, the decision ultimately comes from within. Psychologists refer to this as an "internal locus of control," which is crucial for maintaining positive mental health. A lack of control over one’s life can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and learned helplessness.

For better or worse, my iPhone offers me this sense of internal control during stressful, anxious, or overwhelming moments. It provides a healthy outlet, preventing me from reacting with anger like my father once did.

It’s my emotional support animal, and I believe that’s perfectly fine.

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