Chapter 1: Understanding Overwhelm

Many people experience overwhelming feelings, and I am no exception. As someone with ADHD, I frequently grapple with executive dysfunction, making it difficult for me to prioritize tasks effectively. Additionally, I often misjudge how long tasks will take due to time blindness, which further complicates my daily routine.

When every task feels urgent, the stress can escalate quickly. Thankfully, my mom introduced me to a helpful technique that I want to share. She posed a simple yet powerful question: “Will anyone die?”

After a particularly hectic day filled with errands, I found myself feeling stressed. While I appreciate having the flexibility to handle tasks during the day, the mental load can be intense. For instance, mailing several packages required multiple steps: checking the mailbox, buying stamps, getting shipping estimates, and returning an item.

As we rushed to the pharmacy by 5 PM, I felt the pressure mounting. I snapped at my mom to drive faster, driven by anxiety about completing everything on time. That’s when she reminded me to evaluate tasks on a scale of urgency from 1 to 10, where 1 means it’s trivial and 10 means it’s critical.

“Think about it,” she said. “If you miss the pharmacy, will anyone die?”

I realized she had a point. While the pharmacy is important for medication, there was no immediate crisis. My dad had enough pills to last a while, and I could always go tomorrow. The same applied to mailing the packages; while the recipients might be disappointed, it wasn’t life-altering.

This perspective shift was eye-opening. In a related post by Oliver Burkeman from The Imperfectionist, he emphasizes the notion that many things we believe are critical actually aren't.

Section 1.1: The Urgency Fallacy

I often mistakenly believe that every situation demands the same level of urgency. For example, if I’m a few minutes late for an appointment, I panic about the potential consequences, even if I can’t articulate what those might be. This anxiety likely stems from years of criticism about punctuality, compounded by my ADHD, which makes time management challenging.

Intellectually, I understand that most issues are not as significant as they seem. I regularly practice the concept of memento mori, or “remembering death,” which reminds me that small inconveniences won’t ultimately matter. Yet, as Burkeman notes, we frequently misjudge the importance of even minor tasks.

It seems we conflate conditional importance—where taking action is necessary to achieve a desired outcome—with unconditional importance, where failure to act would lead to dire consequences. There are certainly times when the stakes are high, but many situations are far less critical.

Subsection 1.1.1: Reality Checks

Both my mom and Burkeman suggest taking a step back for a reality check. My mom’s method involves evaluating tasks on a scale of 1 to 10, while Burkeman recommends a straightforward question: “Does this actually matter?”

This simple inquiry can help clarify what’s truly important in the moment.

Chapter 2: Embracing Imperfection

In this video titled Feeling Overwhelmed? How to Tap Into Your Power and Feel Calmer | The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel Robbins discusses strategies to regain your sense of control and calmness amid chaos.

Additionally, the video Overwhelmed? This 60-Second Neuroscience Hack Melts Stress Away! #QuickCalm offers quick tips to alleviate stress in just a minute.

While I’m not claiming that these strategies will resolve every issue, they can be beneficial. The essence of Burkeman’s work is about embracing imperfections rather than striving for unattainable productivity. Life is inherently imperfect, and while challenges will arise, practicing reframing and perspective can lead to a more peaceful existence.