# Reflecting on Father’s Day: A Complex Journey of Healing
Written on
Navigating Father’s Day After Loss
Today marks Father’s Day, an occasion that stirs a mix of feelings within me. This year is particularly poignant as it’s the first one since my father's passing. I find myself torn between the affection I hold for him and the harsh reality of our fraught relationship.
As I compose a text message to my deceased father, I reflect on the tumultuous dynamics that characterized our bond. My dad exhibited narcissistic traits, leaving a profound impact on my life. His final words to me, “Your dad is no longer,” resonate in my mind, a phrase that often served to undermine my self-esteem and instill guilt whenever I asserted my identity as his daughter rather than a mere extension of his will.
Despite everything, on this day dedicated to fathers, his absence is acutely felt. It’s a paradox to long for someone who significantly contributed to my struggles. The emotional scars he left behind and the mental health challenges I've faced bear witness to the repercussions of his behavior.
Yet, here I am, grappling with a bittersweet longing for a connection that was never truly nurturing. Father’s Day serves as a poignant reminder of love's complexities and the enduring influence of our relationships.
Embracing the Path to Healing
As I confront the wounds he caused, I also recognize that healing is a process. I am determined to liberate myself from the remnants of his influence. I refuse to be defined by his failures; instead, I choose to embody resilience and strength.
In sending my message into the void, fully aware that it will never reach him, I find comfort in my newfound autonomy. I am an individual capable of growth and healing. Today, I aim to celebrate the inner strength that has guided me through the darkest moments.
With each passing day, I endeavor to reshape the narrative of my life, reclaiming my identity and envisioning a future unshackled from the toxic legacy of my father’s narcissism. I am committed to breaking the cycle, seeking healing, and crafting a new story for myself.
In this process of self-exploration, I find peace in articulating my thoughts and emotions. I am learning to find my voice, acknowledge my pain, and embrace the power of my own narrative. Thus, I reached out to my deceased father with the message, “Happy Father’s Day.”
“Days Without My Dad” Series
This series consists of diary entries and poems exploring my coping journey following the loss of my father in November 2022.
Thank you for supporting me throughout this transformative experience.