Chapter 1: The Origin of Our Desires

Throughout our lives, we often find ourselves desiring what others have. This phenomenon can significantly affect our happiness and self-perception.

I grew up yearning to resemble a fitness model. When I participated in my first and only bodybuilding competition a decade ago, I believed it would bring me unparalleled joy. However, that excitement quickly faded, leaving me feeling empty inside. Eventually, I chose to abandon that lifestyle and the validation it provided, much to the surprise of my friends and the judges who had praised my potential. In truth, I felt a sense of relief.

How could something I had long aspired to achieve lead to increased unhappiness and self-consciousness?

Years later, I came across a transformative insight into human behavior — Rene Girard's concept of mimetic desire. This theory posits that our desires are not self-generated but rather imitated from those around us. Unlike understanding gravity, mimetic desire requires us to reflect on our past and recognize how others have influenced our lives.

Why do we want some things over others?

I realized that my aim in bodybuilding was not for the journey itself but for the outcome, which I mistakenly thought would fill my confidence void. This mirrors the aspirations of many writers who yearn for publication rather than the arduous task of confronting an empty page.

Setting goals can feel like navigating through a fog. As a Personal Trainer, I have witnessed significant transformations; my last four clients collectively shed 420 pounds, with one losing 250 pounds alone. Each expressed a similar sentiment: "I feel different, yet unchanged. I thought this would be the turning point."

Many clients come to me with a desire to lose weight, often after years of chasing after quick-fix diets. The irony is stark: time continues to pass, yet they seek shortcuts that ultimately lead them back to square one. After years of yo-yo dieting, they turn to me for guidance, and sometimes, simply asking them what they plan to do differently leaves them at a loss for words.

I understand their plight. It's challenging to think about the future when the present feels chaotic. Most believe that losing weight will bring happiness — that peace can be attained and maintained indefinitely.

I reveal a little secret: nearly everything they expect weight loss to provide is an illusion, much like the horizon — always visible but never truly attainable.

Feelings cannot be taught, but a moment of deep reflection may prompt them to question why they desire certain things so intensely, believing they cannot be happy without them.

It turns out that our desires are more significant than we realize. Few take the time to consider who has shaped their most profound longings. Since I subtly influence my clients' desires, I make an effort to be mindful of what I present as desirable.

The muscular figure I aspired to emulate became a model of desire for me, but I lacked the understanding of the sacrifices required to achieve such results. My yearning to look like him overshadowed my need for proper nutrition.

Every pursuit promises that achieving it will finally lead to happiness. I assumed my sadness stemmed from not being "there" yet. How many accomplishments would it take for me to realize that there is no final destination?

The unwise set their happiness far from their core, while the wise bring it closer. This realization struck me during my bodybuilding journey, and my clients experienced similar awakenings as they shed significant weight.

While some changes can enhance our happiness, many aspects of our lives remain unchanged, even at a lower weight. To deny this reality is as futile as resisting the tide.

People often chase outcomes, expecting them to bring an exciting new chapter in their lives. However, with every achievement, new insecurities tend to surface. Individuals who once seemed relatable can shift how we view ourselves.

Cristiano Ronaldo, once dreaming of a mere $1 million, would likely find that amount trivial today.

Every desire comes with terms and conditions that we may not fully recognize. I learned that it is possible to be fit, healthy, and happy while still enjoying a drink or two — a straightforward lesson gleaned from personal struggles.

Without a clear understanding of our values, external influences can dictate our decisions. Establishing a hierarchy of values serves as a remedy in a world filled with social media pressures and conformity.

This hierarchy may evolve over time, yet the fundamental principle remains: values do not simplify choices, but they make them worthwhile.

To truly feel alive, one must notice the small shifts in life rather than endlessly pursuing a grand destiny.

Avoid desiring carelessly or without thought. Choose your aspirations wisely and acknowledge your role in shaping the desires of others — because you do influence them.

You can either help others want more, desire less, or change their perspectives on what they want.

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The first video titled "The Psychology of Desire - Luke Burgis - YouTube" delves into how our desires are often influenced by others and the implications of that influence on our happiness.

The second video titled "Your desires shape the person you are - YouTube" explores how desires can define our identities and the importance of understanding their origins.