Rediscovering Creativity: A Journey Through Life's Challenges
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Childhood Realizations
It took considerable time for me to recognize my creative nature. As a child, I was deeply passionate about music, art, reading, and writing; however, at the tender age of nine, I viewed these interests as mere hobbies rather than indicators of my creativity. I didn’t realize that my affinity for these activities stemmed from my empathy and the creative spirit within me.
Writing stories was a constant in my life, with my mind perpetually brimming with thoughts. Beyond reading, writing was my preferred pastime, and English was my favorite subject in school. I consistently received top grades on my compositions and was often asked to share my stories with my classmates, standing atop a chair (oh, the carefree days before health and safety regulations).
In my early teenage years, I dabbled in poetry. My father would compliment my expressive poems, saying, “These are good.” Unfortunately, my mother’s opinion differed.
The Teenage Years
During my mid-teens, my family relocated to the United States, first to the East Coast and later to California. My English teacher, who wore kaftans and had an artistic vibe, was so impressed by one of my suspenseful stories that she promised to share it with her screenwriter friends. I envisioned her floating around her eclectic home, introducing my work to her creative circle.
Weeks later, she informed me that her friends were “impressed” and encouraged me to continue writing. However, my mother had little appreciation for fiction. She favored biographies and documentaries, often dismissing my creative endeavors as “not real.” My early attempts at storytelling would usually be met with her harsh criticism, which left me feeling defeated.
Her remarks about my lack of life experience stung deeply. “How can you write about anything? You’ve not lived,” she would say. “But my stories are imaginary!” I’d retort. My mother’s dismissal of my passions became an almost daily reminder of my inadequacies.
Her methods of discipline were harsh, culminating in an incident where she cut my hair against my will, causing me to retreat further into myself. I stopped sharing my writing and eventually ceased to write altogether. Instead, I immersed myself in books and music, seeking solace in the words of others.
The Adult Journey
Years passed, and I found myself navigating the complexities of marriage, children, and separation. My creative energy was channeled into raising my daughters and managing our household, leaving little time for literature.
As my children matured, I seized the opportunity to resume writing. I enrolled in university, pursuing degrees in English and Social Psychology. After years away from reading, I found myself racing to catch up. I wrote late into the night, crafting my dissertation while caring for my sick children. Despite the challenges, I graduated with honors, which felt surreal.
Deciding my next steps, I obtained a City & Guilds FE Teaching Certificate and a Post Graduate Teaching Certificate. I began teaching English at a local college, and soon after, I was offered the chance to teach Creative Writing. The previous instructor was stepping back to focus on his own writing, and I embraced the opportunity.
The course was structured with formal assessments, and I developed most of my teaching materials from scratch. Each year, I traveled to Lancaster to meet with other moderators, collaborating on assignments and course content. I felt as though I had finally found my calling.
Reflecting on the Past
Tragically, my parents passed away, but I sensed my mother’s regrets before she left this world. In her later years, she expressed her pride in me, which helped me understand her earlier harshness.
I learned about her own losses—losing her mother at a young age, as well as friends and family. This context softened my perception of her actions and allowed me to see her struggles.
Finding My Voice
After years of teaching and freelancing, I reignited my passion for writing, producing a series of fiction works published on Amazon, with more on the horizon. I contribute to Medium and have founded two publications, MuserScribe and The Scriber’s Nook, where I eagerly look forward to showcasing emerging writers.
Finally, I have embraced my creativity. After years of self-doubt, I now recognize that creativity is an integral part of who I am. I continue to muse, dream, and write.
2023 Susi Moore. All Rights Reserved.
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