The Essential Coaching Question for Team Member Discomfort
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Chapter 1: Understanding Team Dynamics
Have you ever found yourself in a team meeting where the atmosphere felt distinctly uneasy? You might notice one particular colleague whose discomfort is almost tangible—perhaps they seem more inclined to endure a root canal than participate in the discussion. Sound familiar? We've all experienced it at some point.
In my years at various radio stations, I've developed a knack for identifying these uncomfortable moments. Many managers overlook them entirely or lack the awareness to address them. Picture this scenario:
As you delve into a project discussion, you observe that Jim isn’t acting like his usual self. Maybe he’s slumped so deeply into his chair that you think he might merge with the upholstery. Or Sarah might be fidgeting nervously, making you wonder if she might take off like a rocket. It’s distracting and, frankly, a bit worrisome. Your instincts tell you that something is off—yes, it’s your instincts, not your intellect or emotions.
Section 1.1: The Power of Inquiry
Don't remain silent—ask a question. Here’s the key: I’ll share with you the coaching inquiry that can help clarify those moments of discomfort. It’s not something silly like, "Did someone tamper with the refreshments?" or "Is my shirt inside out?" Rather, it’s straightforward yet impactful:
“Hey, [name], you seem a bit off today. What’s on your mind?”
And that’s all it takes. This simple question can unlock a world of trust and facilitate deeper connections with your colleagues. For instance, I once had a radio host, whom I’ll call Zack. He was typically charismatic and persuasive, but one day, he was unusually quiet. When I asked him what was bothering him, he admitted to feeling anxious about an upcoming client presentation.
With some rehearsal and guidance, he transformed into a confident presenter, as smooth as a late-night jazz host.
Description: This coaching question makes clients uncomfortable - in a good way!
Subsection 1.1.1: Real Conversations
Consider another colleague, Angela. She was typing so furiously that I half-suspected her keyboard was in debt to her. When I inquired about her stress, she expressed her concerns about presenting to an ad agency for the first time. After a brief discussion, we employed some basic N.L.P confidence techniques and did some role-playing. Suddenly, her keyboard was safe from destruction.
Section 1.2: Embracing Vulnerability
There’s a delicate balance involved in asking these questions. While it’s a gentle nudge toward understanding, it also opens the door to deeper issues. You’re inviting them to share, rather than barging in with a loud, “What’s wrong?” which can feel invasive.
However, be prepared for the potential revelations that may arise. If you’re unable to address the underlying reasons for your team members' discomfort, you’ll struggle to resolve the core issues.
Action Plan
Next time you notice a colleague looking lost, as if they’re trying to calculate their escape route, pose that simple question. Approach the situation with the empathy of a teddy bear and the curiosity of a cat—minus any predatory instincts. Be ready to listen—truly listen—with your full attention.
You Got This
I’m the author of The Imposter Syndrome available on Audible.
Description: Employee One On One Meeting - 8 Tips for Effective 1:1 Meetings - YouTube
Check out this fantastic resource on Audible for strategies to build confidence and combat imposter syndrome.
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